The Washington Post's "Style Invitational"
The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which they were asked to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
The following were some of the winning entries:

Abdicate --v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Balderdash --n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Burglesque -- A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)

Bustard --n., a very rude Metrobus driver.

Carcinoma --n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Circumvent --n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Coffee --n., a person who is coughed upon.

Dopeler effect -- The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Esplanade --v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Flabbergasted --adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Flatulence --n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Foreploy -- Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Frisbatarianism --n., Belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Gargoyle --n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Giraffiti -- Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Glibido -- All talk and no action.

Hipatitis -- Terminal coolness.

Inoculatte -- To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Intaxication -- Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Karmageddon -- It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

Lymph --v., to walk with a lisp.

Marionettes --n., residents of Washington who have been jerked around by the mayor.

Negligent --adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Osteopornosis -- A degenerate disease.

Oyster --n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Rectitude --n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Reintarnation -- Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Sarchasm -- The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.

Tatyr -- A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

Testicle --n., a humorous question on an exam.

Willy-nilly --adj., impotent.