The Washington Post's "Style Invitational"
The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which
they were asked to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. The following were some of the winning entries: Abdicate --v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. Balderdash --n., a rapidly receding hairline. Burglesque -- A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate) Bustard --n., a very rude Metrobus driver. Carcinoma --n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog. Circumvent --n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts. Coffee --n., a person who is coughed upon. Dopeler effect -- The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Esplanade --v., to attempt an explanation while drunk. Flabbergasted --adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained. Flatulence --n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. Foreploy -- Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex. Frisbatarianism --n., Belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. Gargoyle --n., an olive-flavored mouthwash. Giraffiti -- Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. Glibido -- All talk and no action. Hipatitis -- Terminal coolness. Inoculatte -- To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. Intaxication -- Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Karmageddon -- It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer. Lymph --v., to walk with a lisp. Marionettes --n., residents of Washington who have been jerked around by the mayor. Negligent --adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie. Osteopornosis -- A degenerate disease. Oyster --n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. Rectitude --n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. Reintarnation -- Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Sarchasm -- The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it. Tatyr -- A lecherous Mr. Potato Head. Testicle --n., a humorous question on an exam. Willy-nilly --adj., impotent. |